SURVIVORS|
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This page deals with sexual, emotional, and physical child abuse.This page contains areas that may be triggering to some individuals. If you are uncomfortable reading this material, remember that you can always choose to stop reading.
I am a survivor of horrendous childhood trauma. Some of it is can be down right unbelievable. I assure you it's all true. I began my life of horror at the age of 9 months when my grandfather began molesting me. I had pencils inserted into my rectum. My grandfather's son, my father, began to abuse me on a daily basis at the age of 4 until I was 16. My father was part of an occultist group and I witnessed things I can't clearly remember. I have multiple personality disorder so some of my memories are in safe keeping with my altars. My dad had 6 brothers all who sexually abused me, tortured me. I was locked in an army locker for 2 hours once, beat me and emotionally abused. I grew up believing I was retarded as I was always told I was retarded, ugly, worthless, disgusting and so on. I had an opportunity when I was 8 years old to tell but my father caught wind of it and threatened my life so when I was asked if a particular someone was doing inappropriate things I couldn't tell. My father was standing behind the person asking making threatening gestures. So I lied. No, that's not happening to me. "So and so would never do that". How utterly trapped I felt I became very promiscuous in high school. The school slut and I were proud of my status. I was searching for love through sex. I did not find it until I meant my husband of 15 years, Bob. He has been my rock and my biggest supporter. He was with me when I brought my father to court because he was abusing my 2 brothers. I had to make it stop. My father was found guilty for sodomy with a child and was sentenced to 8 years at Ft. Leavenworth. But you know what, that sentence wasn't the biggest victory for me. Facing him in court and staring him down after his sentence and not averting my eyes in fear was my biggest accomplishment. I had finally broken the cycle of abuse in my family. It was the strongest thing I have ever done. If you are a victim of abuse you MUST speak out. If you don't the pain will continue through the generation's don't be afraid. Anyone who abuses children is, in reality, a coward. My father denies to this day that he ever abused me. It used to bother me but it doesn't anymore. I am free of the guilt, hurt and pain. He is still living with it every day. His alcoholism proves it. Be strong and if the first person you tell doesn't listen or believe go to another person. Don't stop until someone listens. Thanks for letting me share my story.
sherbearc@earthlink.net
This is my story
my name is Amy I am 19 years old. I was sexually abused from the time
I was 9 years old until I was 12.by a so called family friend that lived
next door to my moms house when I was growing up. It all started when
my mom got sick, she was bed ridden for 1 1/2 months I would go to my
neighbours house a few times a week so I could go to school then it ended
up to be for weeks at a time. Nobody knew what
was going on but him and me and there was another girl there occasionally,
but nobody knows what happen with her. There are
always certain things that these children will always remember like for
me I will never forget that little giggle he had as if he was playing
a
game or he would always put his finger over his mouth and say shhh....it
was our little secret. He would take my brothers and me to the beach and
my brother was older so he would do his thing and look for girls (you
know how a 14 yr old can be) he would take me out into the water way behind
the waves to where it is only swells. He would take me to the store and
come back in an hour with a gallon of milk. I started slacking of in school
because I didn't want to go to his house but i couldn't tell nobody the
real reason because I would get "in trouble" he would touch
me in my places under the covers or in the
kitchen he would always show me his stuff, drop his towel in front of
me when he got out the shower and so on this happened until we finally
moved. Well I got taken away from my mother shortly after i turned 12
I was placed in a foster home for 4 months where I was also beaten and
sexually abused. They split me and my brothers up I think that was the
hardest. I couldn't tell anybody about my foster parents because no one
would believe me they said these people are suppose to be decent people
they said. Well finally my g-ma gained custody of me and my brother's
.we moved to her house, she couldn't control my younger brother he was
uncontrollable so she sent him to his dad. Things were ok for a while.
I lost my virginity when I was 14 and I think that if that hadn't happen
to me I would have waited because it would have meant something to me.
Well I had my first child at 16 years old and I love him to death. I went
out about 4 weeks after I had him for the first time I went to hang out
with my friend's. We went to the orange groves we were just hanging out
and a few of them were drinking I wasn't because I was breast feeding
but I wanted to go it was getting late nobody wanted to go so I started
to walk it wasn't far from my house I got about a 1/2 mile away and 2
guys came out of nowhere, I tried to get away but one held me and the
other pulled a knife and put it on my vagina and then he did his little
thing, beat me and left me to die well I was still going through my postpartum,
he ripped my stitches back open from hole to hole .I ended up haemorrhaging.
They were never caught. Now I have a scar in the place of a caesarean
only up and down and from a knife, I'm glad I can hide it with my hair
it makes me forget about it. Well I moved out of my grandmas house when
I was 17 to go and meet my father that I never met before I was staying
with his wife for awhile and one day out of the blue I got a phone call
from a private investigator wanting me to be a character wittiness for
this guy witch would be my neighbour when I was 9. Apparently he had molested
a young child of the age 5 and they were being taken to court they wanted
me to go ion the stand and tell everybody what a good person he was so
I agreed I mean he did help my mom out a lot. Well when the court day
came I went .it was time I got up on the stand and I was sworn in, I was
asked to define what kind of personality he had so I told them that he
was a nice person and that he did help my mom out a lot, then I was asked
if I could ever think that he could do such a thing to a little girl ..I
looked around and I saw my mom, I stood up in front of everybody and god
himself and said YES and I started with my story from that day on things
where hard but they only got easier I got the right kind of help it took
awhile but I was hypnotized because I had
blocked off 4 years of my life out of my mind. Shortly after I turned
18 he was sentenced with 16 consecutive life sentences because of what
i did 3 other girls came forward and he broke down and admitted to all
of them including me. I'm just glad I did what I did and helped not only
myself but those 4 other girls deal with something that needed to be said
and put him where he belongs in prison! Despite all of this I have grown
to be a beautiful person and a loving mother and now I can be there for
other children because I have been through it I know how it feels and
I know it hurts.
That was my story, Demi you can put it on your
page and one day
Child might stumble a crossed it and stand up for there self. Thanks for
asking for my story I hope it can help some one love always and always
love yours. Amy
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